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5 Reasons for Your Clean the Plate Mentality

“What signals the end of your meal?”

This is a question that I ask my clients. And most of the time the answer is “when my plate is empty”.

This response is not uncommon if you’ve been a lifelong dieter. In today’s blog, I will highlight some of the reasons why you might be a member of the “Clean the Plate Club”.

5 Reasons You Might Be a Member of the Clean the Plate Club

Lessons from Childhood: You might have been taught by well-meaning parents to clean your plate. Maybe you were rewarded for doing so, punished for not doing so, or were made to feel guilty if you didn’t eat everything on your plate (“the children in China are starving”). Let me emphasize the words “well-meaning parents”. I’m not putting blame on your parents, no no no. I’m just saying that in some households, this is a strict rule and you’ve learned to obey this rule for fear of punishment.

Sense of Entitlement: You are on a diet, counting and measuring every ounce of food you are “allowed” to eat at a meal. There is no way you aren’t going to eat every last bite; you have “earned” it, you are “entitled” to it, and gosh darn, you are going to eat it. This is the mindset of a person who follows the rules of diets which tell them what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat. It’s not your fault. It’s just a nasty side effect of dieting.

Waste-Not Mindset: You value and respect the dollar, and food, which is great. But to what extent? If you eat all that’s on your plate beyond your level of comfortable fullness, because you don’t want to waste money or food, give thought to the fact that while you might be respecting the dollar, you are not respecting your body. I’m not saying to throw the food away. You can put it away in the fridge to finish at a later time. And yes, even if it’s a small amount.

Ingrained Habit of Finishing All Food: We all develop habits over time. And perhaps your habit is to finish the entire “portion” of food, be that a sandwich or a snack bag of peanuts, regardless if you are hungry any longer. The great thing about habits are that we were not born with them, they are learned behaviors. Which means, they can be unlearned when they don’t serve us well.

Food Insecurity: If food was not readily available when you grew up, it might be harder for you to respect your fullness and stop eating when you are comfortable. This can take time to work through. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

Respecting your fullness takes time. Knowing that you can eat the food you are eating at any time is also very helpful to being able to end your meal when you are comfortably full (as is starting the meal at a comfortable level of hunger, and not ravenous).

Here is a video on this topic to help you even more!

After viewing, if you have any questions or need help on your Intuitive Eating Journey, please head to www.TalkWithBonnie.com to set up a complementary call with me.

What Do You Do When You’re Just Not Hungry?

Interesting question, isn’t it? I teach intuitive eating to women and men who are tired of dieting. And their initial understanding of intuitive eating is to “eat when hungry and stop when full”. But the question I hear all the time is “so if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat?”

The answer is yes, and no. Allow me to explain.

To Eat or Not to Eat

When you are coming off dieting, it’s very possible that your hunger signals are silenced. That means they are there, but you don’t hear them. You probably only hear them when you are realllly hungry and your brain is screaming at you “feed me, feed me, I’m starving.” But when the first signals of hunger begin, you probably don’t hear them.

This means you need time to attune to them, to recognize them and to answer them. So, if several hours have passed since you’ve eaten and you don’t necessarily hear those gentle signs of hunger, then yes, it is important for you to eat anyway as part of your self-care plan of nourishing yourself throughout the day.

On the other hand, if you have become familiar with those gentle signs of hunger and “lunch time” comes around and you don’t feel hunger, then it’s totally cool to wait until you feel and hear the hunger.

Remember, “lunch time” as dictated by a clock is still dieting.

Silenced Hunger Signals

There are several reasons why your hunger signals may have silenced. Here’s the top 3:

Dieting: You’ve been dieting for a while and you begin your meals based on when the diet tells you to eat. Even if you’re not hungry, you stop and eat to “stay on plan”.

Numbing: You decide to drink a non or low caloric beverage such as coffee, tea, diet soda or water INSTEAD of eating because even though you are hungry, you’re not “supposed” to eat now so you’ll drink instead. The fluid then numbs your signals and tries to fool your body into thinking you ate. But there’s no fooling your brilliant body.

Chaos: You don’t make the time to hear your hunger signals because you are so busy running around working, chauffeuring the kids to their extra curricular activities, shopping etc… So you push off eating and before you know it, you don’t hear those signals anymore.

Can Hunger Signals Return?

Yes, absolutely yes! You need to practice listening for them and they will return. It’s important to be patient with yourself as you learn to reacquaint yourself with your body.

First Step?

Pop your name and email into the boxes below and start to break the spell that diets have over you. Then, you’ll have the space to work on reigniting your hunger signals.

Intuitive Eating is Your “Factory-Installed” Mode

More times than not, a client will sit opposite me (in my office or on video chat) when the light bulb goes on! The light bulb that I’m referring to is the fact that being an intuitive eater came along with their body when they were born. It’s “factory installed” but unfortunately over the years, it became faulty. Today I’d like to explore the reasons why.

Well-Meaning Parents

By no means am I looking to blame your parents. Most parents are well-meaning, although I do recognize that this is not the case all the time. But in most instances, parents want their children to eat well and grow well, and they believe the latter is determined by the former. So, as a baby, if you pushed away breast or bottle as a sign to mom that you had enough, but she felt that you didn’t, she would encourage you to nurse a little longer or drink a little more from the bottle.

As a toddler, when you were more interested in playing than eating, perhaps your mom forced you to sit at the table until you had x amount of bites, or she’d run after you with a forkful of food. In each of these instances (and others that I’m sure you can share), you are getting the message at a young age that you cannot trust what your body is telling you. Mom must be right after all. It’s no surprise then that now, as an adult, you continue to have mistrust in your body’s signals.

The Diet Industry

You decided that it was time to lose weight and you followed a diet because that is the cultural paradigm on how to “manage” your weight. But with each diet you followed, you lost further trust in your own body’s signals. You ate when, how much and what the diet told you to, regardless of whether you were hungry or not. You played by the rules, but with each diet game you played, you moved further and further away from your “factory installed mode” of eating.

Quick story: I have a friend who was on a diet. We were out together and at 11 am she pulled out a bar to eat. She said, “I’m not hungry now, but this diet I’m on says I must eat every 2-3 hours, so I am”. That sounded so wrong to me, but it wasn’t my place to say anything to her.

Have you found yourself in this type of situation too?

The Thin Ideal

It’s very likely that you’ve been effected by society’s messages of the thin ideal, the concept of the ideal body of a woman being thin and slender. That to be worthy in this world, you need to possess a thin body. This concept has led to many disordered eating patterns and eating disorders in young girls and women of all ages.

If you’ve been striving to achieve this body, then more than likely you’ve been ignoring your “factory installed” mode of being intuitive and eating when hungry and stopping when comfortably full.

Resetting to Factory Installed Mode

When the light bulb goes on for my clients, their immediate thought is “we need to come with an instruction manual”, but then they follow that with “wait, we do, It’s inborn.

Yep!

So how do you get back to the way you were born?

Step 1: Say NO to Diets – Recognize that diets don’t work long term. Sure, maybe you lost a few pounds (or more than a few) when you were “strict” and “following” the diet. But it wasn’t sustainable and for the majority of people, it never will be.

Step 2: Tune Inward, Not Outward – Decide today that you will no longer base your eating on external sources, whether that be a diet, a health coach or a guru you find on the internet. If you stop and listen to the signals your body gives you, you will become acquainted with them again. Do know, however, that it takes time. If you’ve been dieting for decades, those signals have likely silenced. Be patient. You’ll be glad you did.

Step 3: Reject the Thin Ideal – As hard as this step might be, come to terms that your genetic blueprint probably isn’t for that thin body you’ve been chasing after all these years. Give up the chase, work on respecting your body wherever it is now, and allow nature to take its course. Only your body knows what shape, size and weight is natural for it, so take the pressure off your body (and yourself) and enjoy the life you are living.

I have many resources that can help you as we move into 2020. Schedule a complementary call with me and let’s restore your body to it’s “factory installed mode” of intuitive eating.

6 Tips to a Mindful Holiday Season

The holiday season is a joyous time, but it can also be a very stressful time. Your celebrations likely include hosting friends and family, which means lots of planning, cooking, cleaning and entertaining. This stress can start to affect how well you listen to your body – which is why it’s extra important this time of the year to take care of yourself.

Taking Care of YOU

When it comes to taking care of yourself, start with what your body needs.

Is it an extra 20 minutes of sleep? Or, making time for yourself to exercise, read a book, or take a bath?

Whatever it is that helps you to remain relaxed and calm, make the time each day to do it! Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks or ask family and friends to help. Your physical and mental health is just as important as everyone else’s!

The Day of the Dinner Party

You got this! You’ve worked hard to take care of your own needs in the early weeks of December. But now that the big day is here, and your company will be ringing your bell, (or you’re ringing their bell), do you push your needs to the side?

Along with taking care of yourself leading up to the holidays, it’s also important to take the steps you need to on the day of the dinner party to ensure you are honoring and respecting your body’s needs.

6 Tips to Help You Stay Mindful During the Party

Plan ahead. It’s important to plan ahead so you can enjoy your favorite foods without guilt. The day before the big dinner party, plan out what you will eat for breakfast and lunch that day. It’s important to stay nourished so you don’t arrive at the dinner party too hungry!
Focus on friends and family. The holidays are all about spending time with your family and friends (I know you know this, but it can be challenging to remember this when you are not at peace with food). Give thought to something special that you love about each guest, and be sure to tell them how you feel. Put the focus on them, not the food.
Savor your food. Focus on each bite of food that you put into your mouth. Experience the taste, texture, flavors and aroma of the food. Do you like it, dislike it, or it’s just okay? If you aren’t fully satisfied with it, don’t finish it.
Sit down at the table. Eating while standing around the buffet table or while walking around will decrease your attention and satisfaction with your meal. Instead, plan to sit while eating. Fill your plate with food and find a table to sit. Friends and family will likely join you and you can enjoy nice conversation while being more mindful of your eating.
Listen to your body. It’s important for you to take the time to listen to your body’s inner signals as you are getting satiated. Stop eating when you feel comfortable, you can always wrap up the rest for another time. This will help you enjoy the homemade pie without guilt.
Indulge in your favorites. Don’t avoid your favorites that come around once a year. Avoidance can lead to caving in and then to overeating. It’s much better to eat a small portion of something you really want than to give it up entirely. Choose those foods that you don’t typically have year-round. Take a portion and enjoy without guilt.

If you’re looking for more help to ensure you have a stress-free holiday season, look no further than right here!

December 1^st marked the month-long Holiday Special of my Stress Less, Eat Less – Holiday Edition Program. This program is designed to help you develop personalized strategies specific to your situation to help you beat holiday stress eating.

In this program, you can go at your own pace. I will walk you through the 3 simple steps to developing a calm mindset and learning the strategies you need that will help you stop stress eating in its tracks.

Click the link here to read more about the program and sign up today! You can also reach out to me here if you have any questions.

Here’s to a stress-free holiday season!

How to Stay Motivated

The diet mentality finds its way into your life in very sneaky ways. But that’s okay because that’s how you learn to recognize it and get stronger at shooing it away. This happened to be last month’s theme in my membership program, Intuitive Eating Mastery Circle™. The more we highlight all the ways it shows up, the more of an expert we become at knocking it down!

I had a question recently from one of my subscribers (we’ll call her Sally) which is today’s Intuitive Eating Wednesday Question!

“How do I stay motivated to care, to keep my focus, to keep trying to eat intuitively, when life is so busy and I have failed miserably for years?”

I feel the pain in her question. And I wonder if you feel the same way as Sally. While I don’t know Sally personally, it seems from her question that she has come to the conclusion that diets don’t work. Which is great! But it also seems like there is some lingering diet mentality. This is common when first embarking on the intuitive eating journey.

There are two areas I want to highlight and hopefully shed some light on for Sally (and for you if you are resonating with her question).

Control is Dieting

By the tone of the question, it sounds like control is playing a big role in “trying to eat intuitively”. I’d have to explore more with Sally what this actually means for her, in other words, how is trying to eat intuitively showing up for her each day. If it’s trying to eat only when hungry and stopping when full, then we are likely looking at the “Intuitive Eating Diet” at play here (or another way to describe it is the “Hunger and Fullness Diet”).

Many chronic dieters are on board with the fact that the diets have never worked for them. They love the concept of intuitive eating, so immediately start focusing on only eating when hungry and stopping when full. But here’s the problem with this. If they haven’t yet rejected the diet mentality, this will trip them up each time. Hunger and fullness cues become more rules and then when life gets busy and they are running around and aren’t as aware of their inner signals, they think they have failed. They think they need more control, more willpower!

Needing to have control and willpower is still dieting!

Is this possibly what is happening to you?

Limiting Beliefs and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Limiting beliefs are beliefs that you are holding onto about your body, weight or food that are causing you to self-sabotage and are preventing you from living your best life.

“I have failed miserably for years.”

This statement right there is a belief that Sally has been holding onto that is keeping her spinning her wheels.

Beliefs come from messages that you’ve received, often as far back as childhood. Your thoughts and beliefs drive your feelings which drive your actions which give you your results.

If you continue to repeat over and over that you have failed miserably for years, then you will continue to do so…it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your beliefs and you’ll change your outcomes.

Ahh, I know this is not so easy! I spend quite a bit of time with my clients working with them on identifying their limiting beliefs, re-framing them into true beliefs and ultimately rewiring the neural pathways in their brain.

I have discovered over all the years of coaching and counseling clients that this step can’t be overlooked. If it is, you will continue to allow the sneaky diet mentality to get you every time.

If you are interested in learning more about how to break through your limiting beliefs, click here to explore my Intuitive Eating Program for Adults! And, you can read the stories from my clients who have successfully rewired their neural pathways and are now living life as an intuitive eater.

4 Tips to a Mindful Summer Vacation

Summer is here; I’m so excited. Summer is my most favorite season of all. But for many women I speak to, the thought of summer vacation brings them anxiety and stress about how family trips, outings and days at the beach will affect their intuitive eating journey.

Do you feel the same?

These feelings creep up because of your past (or lingering) diet mentality. You’ve always dieted before vacation so that you can “splurge” while on vacation. Then you come home only to feel guilty about “blowing it again”.

This behavior starts the diet rollercoaster all over again.

Let’s make sure the diet mentality stays quiet as you plan ahead for the most rewarding intuitive summer yet.

Here are 4 tips to help you navigate your intuitive eating journey during your summer get-away.

Stay strong against the chatter in your head that is screaming “I have to lose 10 pounds before vacation!”This will only put you back into diet mentality and onto the latest quick fix, which will keep you riding the dieting roller coaster. Continue on your intuitive eating journey with confidence. When the inner chatter starts up, have a comeback to put that voice in its place. And, if you are contemplating starting the journey, now’s as good a time as any. Contact me here and let’s get started.

Be aware of mindless snacking while vacationing.Oftentimes when you’re on vacation, you have less structure to your day. You might be lying on the beach where your friends are passing around the snacks; or touring through a new city, walking the streets and trying the local fare. So just pay attention and have an awareness of whether you’re hungry or not before you dig into the snacks.

Be prepared.Whether you are sitting at the pool, lying on the beach, in an amusement park or on a full day tour, you are going to get hungry at some point. It’s very important to be prepared and have snacks with you so you don’t have to wing it. Remember, one of the principles of intuitive eating is to honor your hunger. If you wait too long, you tend to not choose the most healthful choices and you tend to overeat, so be prepared.

Stop when you’re comfortably satisfied and not when you’re overly full. I know when you’re on vacation it’s so tempting, especially if you’re at a resort hotel which is all-inclusive. This means that all the food and beverages (including alcohol) is included in what you’re paying for the hotel. It’s very tempting to just eat and eat and eat to “get your money’s worth”. This is not staying true to your intuitive eating journey.

While on vacation, remember to listen to your body, stay mindful, be present and enjoy yourself!

Honor yourself and honor your body by paying attention, being aware and making conscious food and beverage decisions. Stop when you’re comfortably satisfied so that you can enjoy your vacation without regret and without guilt.

If you would like more individualized help for your next vacation, reach out to me at bonnie@dietfreeradiantme.com. I’m here to help you.

How Can You Tell When You’re Feeling Satisfied?

This week’s Intuitive Eating Wednesday Question comes from Kristy, a member in my online community.

She asks:

“How can you tell when you’re satisfied??”

A short straight to the point question. But often so difficult for someone to figure out.

Kristy is referring here to when she is eating a meal, how does she determine when she is satisfied enough to stop eating.

If you’re someone who has dieted for quite some time, then likely you’re also struggling with not being able to hear your fullness signals. The mere act of dieting causes your signals to atrophy.

Why?

Because you aren’t using them. You are stopping your meal when the diet plan tells you that you have had enough. You are pushing the plate away when it’s empty. You are putting your fork down based on a limit imposed on you by an outside source. This means, it’s a source external from your internal signals that truly guide your eating.

Remember, you were born an intuitive eater. You were born knowing when you were hungry to start eating, and when you felt satisfied to stop eating. You didn’t need to ask this question, because it was just a feeling you had. And, you TRUSTED it, because you knew no other way but to trust your body.

All these years and oh so many diets later, you no longer feel those signals. And, you don’t have that trust in yourself either.

Which makes it so difficult to know when you’re truly satisfied enough to stop eating.

Okay, so you get this. But now what?

I’m not going to tell you how to feel your signals. This is something you need to relearn. And it IS POSSIBLE, with the right support, as you travel down your intuitive eating journey.

But before you do, you must do these 5 things:

Make the commitment to never diet again.

Re-affirm this commitment to never diet again.

Stay strong in this commitment even though you are surrounded by diet culture and its harmful messages (and family and friends that might be dieting and want some company).

Move away from determining success on your journey based on a number on a scale.

Re-affirm your commitment to never diet again

You see, if there’s any part of you that is still holding on to “maybe that will help me lose a few pounds”, then you will turn intuitive eating into the hunger-fullness diet (aka ‘The Intuitive Eating Diet’).

I’ve seen this happen way too many times. So, check in with yourself and ask yourself if you’re truly ready to leave your dieting habit and the scale behind.

Let me know in the comments below.

Do You Pay Your Dues in the Clean the Plate Club?

When you are eating, do you pay attention to how satisfied you are getting? Or, do you eat until all the food on the plate is gone?

I ask you these questions because as a chronic dieter, you more than likely have become a member (or hopefully an ex-member) of the “clean the plate” club. There are many reasons why you might be in this club. But right now, the reason I will highlight is the entitlement you feel.

What do I mean by entitlement? Well, simply said, when you are on a diet you are entitled to a certain amount of food, right? And, when you portion that food out onto your plate, you are going to eat what you are entitled to no matter what.

As an intuitive eater, there is no more food worry, no more entitlement, and no more restrictions. Let me share another story with you (last week I shared my Godiva chocolate story, I hope you liked it!)

My husband and I recently went out to dinner at my favorite restaurant while we were on vacation. We don’t usually eat out due to our hectic schedules, but this was during our vacation so we had the time. I ordered two appetizers instead of an appetizer and an entrée which I knew would be too much food for me. One of those appetizers was something I typically would not have ordered; it was a crostini with veggies and cheese. Seeing that I am an intuitive eater and I don’t deprive myself of food that I desire when I am biologically hungry, I decided to order the crostini.

As I was eating, I was staying focused and paused a few times to check in with my inner signals. At some point, I recognized that I was just about nearing comfortable satiety and although the crostini was delicious, I knew that if I finished it (there was one left on the plate), I would have become overfull.

What do you think I did? I stopped eating, put my fork and knife down and told my husband I’m done. I asked the waitress to pack up the last crostini so I can take it back to the hotel, where I had a refrigerator in my room. Yes, it was only one small crostini (remember this was an appetizer, so they weren’t big), and I still stopped eating and took it back with me. I certainly could have shoved it in, but I knew I would have been too full and would regret it.

Two days later (still on vacation), when it was time for a snack, I saw the bag in the frig and remembered I brought it back from the restaurant. I decided to have it as my snack and I enjoyed it as much as when I had it the very first time.

I don’t share this story to brag. I want you to know that you can have these experiences too. You don’t have to finish the food on your plate, even if there are just one or two bites left. Learning to become an intuitive eater opens up a whole new way of living.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Are you a member of the “clean the plate” club? Do you have a story to share where you took home or put away that last bite?

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