Tag Archive for: Diet Culture

Is Your Dieting Harming Your Daughter

Grace walked into my office with her mom by her side. Grace is a 9 year old adorable girl who has been restricting her food intake. She fears getting “fat”.  Due to her restriction, she has lost weight and is now off the bottom of growth chart.

 

I spoke with Grace and her mom for a while to get a bit of the family history and to understand when and how the restriction began. I then asked Grace’s mom to take a seat in the waiting room so I can talk with Grace alone. It was very important for me to build a good rapport with Grace so she will trust me.

 

Grace openly told me that she started restricting for several reasons. She broke it down as follows:

  • Her mom and sisters were dieting. They were speaking about foods that are good and bad, and were replacing foods they once ate, such as pizza, with alternatives such as cauliflower pizza. This made her feel like these foods wouldn’t be good for her either, so she stopped eating them.

 

  • Her friend’s moms were putting them on diets. Grace told me about at least 4 friends who bring only salad to school for lunch because they are on diets. Their moms told them they have to lose weight.

 

  • All the women in Grace’s life seem to hate their bodies. She’d constantly hear comments such as “do I look fat in this dress?”. “Is my butt sticking out of these pants?”. The message is clear. Fat is bad.

 

Grace wanted to be healthy, she really didn’t want to restrict her intake, but she was afraid of gaining weight. Grace started working with me each week to learn how to eat to nourish her body and to regain the trust in her body again.

 

You’re probably thinking that Grace is so young to be dealing with these fears around food and body. Perhaps as a teenager it would seem more common. But more and more young girls are falling into disordered eating patterns and being diagnosed with eating disorders than ever before.

 

The reason?

 

The diet culture that we live in today! The messages that women and young girls receive is that their bodies are not good enough the way they are. They must mold and sculpt them into a thin, model-like figure to have any worth in this world. It is so sad to me that so many women spend so much of their days worrying about what they are eating and how they look to others. And this worry is being passed down to the younger generation.

 

Do you have a daughter(s)?

 

Are you aware that the way you speak to yourself about your body is influencing the way she feels about hers?

 

Are you aware that she watches every move you make when you eat and when you choose to avoid grains/carbs with dinner?

 

I know for me, when I was dieting and restricting, the messages were loud and clear to my two daughters. They knew that I wouldn’t eat dinner until I calculated how much I’d eaten throughout the day. That would determine how much and what I ate for dinner. What kind of messages was I sending to them? It was a very loud message that I couldn’t trust my body to guide my eating. I had to trust a calculator.

 

I was able to break free of this restriction and teach my daughters that their bodies are smart and has all the wisdom housed inside as to what, when and how much to eat. It’s a matter of listening and trusting.

 

Here are 3 things to do right now if you want your daughter(s) to have a future of food peace and body love:

 

1. Stop restricting. Even if you think you are not restricting, you probably are. The diet mentality is very sneaky and shows up in ways you wouldn’t imagine. Be honest with yourself. Are you substituting zoodles for pasta? Are you choosing cauliflower pizza for regular pizza? Are you ordering 2 veggies instead of a potato and veggie at the restaurant? If yes to any of these questions, then you are restricting.

 

2. Watch your language. Be very careful how you speak in the home, especially when your daughter is around. Do not be judgmental of food, such as this is a “good” food and this is a “bad” food. Putting labels on food demonizes food and ups the fear of eating those foods.

 

3. Stop body checking. When you are getting dressed and looking in the mirror, be aware of your comments about yourself and your body. And, be aware of your non-verbal behaviors as well. Looking in the mirror and wincing or grunting are all heard and seen by your daughter. Instead of instilling hatred for your body or body parts, teach what it means to have respect for your body.

 

The truth is, I recognize that this is all easier said than done. It takes time, patience and fighting back against the messages you hear every day. But if you want to save your daughter(s) from going down the rabbit hole of dieting, food fear and body worry, then now’s the time.

 

Do you want a brighter future for your daughter? It all starts with you. Book a call with me www.TalkWithBonnie.com.

 

 

“Eat a Tiny Piece of Cake, I Won’t Tell!”

The title of today’s blog says it all. Diet culture is like a poison, once it gets into your blood, it takes a strong antidote to get rid of it. We’ll talk about that antidote in just a few minutes. But first, let’s look at a prime example of how the diet mentality is a force to be reckoned with.

 

Yesterday was my birthday. I had wonderful happy birthday wishes from many of my friends. Among the many wishes were comments such as:

 

“Happy birthday…fat free cake?”

“Happy birthday! Are you allowed to eat a teeny slice of cake today? I won’t tell your clients!”

“Happy birthday! You can have my slice of cake, I won’t tell!”

“Happy birthday! Eat a healthy salad for dinner so you have no guilt eating the cake later”.

 

Grrr! Honestly, I’m immune to these comments already, well sort of. I truly love my friends and know they mean no harm. What gets me is they know my philosophy on dieting and labeling food as good and bad. Yet, they still make comments like this. It just shows me that as much as they “agree” with my philosophy, the diet mentality comes out in their talk and actions without them even realizing it! Yes, diet culture and the resultant diet mentality is a force to be reckoned with.

 

I eat cake! I eat cake and have NO GUILT eating cake. You know why? Because I have given up demonizing food and I realize that food does not have as much power as people give to it. Once you learn to eat with attunement and trust your body, you no longer have to live by external food rules.

 

Do I eat cake every day? No, I don’t. Not because I “can’t”. But because my body doesn’t feel good when I do. I get to make this choice, not some arbitrary diet or health guru.

 

The Antidote to Diet Culture

 

If you’ve been poisoned by diet culture, I have the antidote. It’s called Intuitive Eating.

 

Intuitive eating is a mind-body health approach created by two registered dietitians, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. “Intuitive Eating is a personal process of honoring health by listening and responding to the direct messages of the body in order to meet your physical and psychological needs”, says Evelyn Tribole.

 

When you embark on your intuitive eating journey, it’s not just about eating when hungry and stopping when full. As a matter of fact, as a dieter, this will be challenging to do at first as most likely your signals have silenced somewhat, and your diet mentality will have you second guessing yourself. So the first step is to work on your mindset.

 

You’ll find as you begin to pay attention to your thoughts, that the dieting messages will rear their ugly head in many situations. Just like the comments from my friends. But it’s important to call them out for what they are, the more you do, the less they will come.

 

I’m not saying this is an easy process. But it is a process well worth the effort if you want to be cured of diet culture’s poison.

 

Any questions, I’m here to answer. Just comment below.

 

If you’re interested in starting your intuitive eating journey to finally make peace with food and your body (or you need support on your already started journey), read more about my intuitive eating program here.

When Diet Culture Steals Your Logical Thinking

This is a painful blog for me to write. It shows just how much diet culture and striving for the thin ideal overtakes one’s logical thinking brain.

 

Here’s the story…

 

I’m treating a client for a gastrointestinal disorder. Due to the nature of her condition and her intolerance to many foods, she shared with me that she lost weight. How does she know? Her clothes are big on her. And, yes, she weighs herself regularly.

 

She went to her internist this week to discuss her varying medical issues she is currently dealing with. The doctor weighed her and told her she lost X pounds in the last 3 months. I’m not revealing the number of pounds she lost, the number isn’t relevant. What IS relevant is that it’s a significant weight change in a short period of time, coupled with a review of her labs which reveal that she is malnourished.

 

My client’s reaction?

 

I’m happy I lost weight, I like how I look and I’m getting compliments.

 

This is where I cringed. Here is a bright woman who for the last 50 years has been chasing weight loss only to regain what she’s lost (no news here!). Now that she’s losing weight, she is thrilled, but what she fails to comprehend is that this weight loss is DETRIMENTAL to her health.

 

Her body is not absorbing the nutrients from the foods she is eating. She is malnourished. Yet, she says she “wouldn’t mind losing a little more”.

 

Diet culture has messed with people’s intelligence. The society we live in today worships thinness so much so that people are willing to go to any lengths to lose weight and claim a higher status that diet culture promises.

 

If you’ve fallen prey to this unfortunate outcome of living in a diet-obsessed culture, here’s 3 steps you can do right now to turn this around:

 

Step 1: Be honest with yourself: Take a long hard look at how you are treating your body. Are you dieting and wishfully dreaming for that thin body? And if so, to what extent and detriment to get there? What harm are you already experiencing physically and emotionally?

 

Step 2: Commit to stop dieting: This might be very scary if you’ve allowed diets to “control” your eating for a long time. But you must commit to never diet again, otherwise you will always be tempted by another diet that pops up (and there will be many!).

 

Step 3: Seek support: If diet culture and the pursuit of thinness has prevented you from making logical decisions about your health and well-being, please reach out for support. You need help from a qualified health professional to help you turn this around. It is possible! And, it shows strength to reach out for support.

 

I’m happy to report that my client is now doing well. She has given up the notion that her body needs to look a certain way and she has started to appreciate her body shape and capabilities. She is slowly re-nourishing her body and healing from her gut disorder. And, her logical thinking has returned.

 

What about you? How has diet culture and striving for the thin idea affected your logical thinking? Let me know below! And, as always, if you want to chat, just contact me.

 

Is Drinking 8 Glasses of Water a Diet Rule?

If you’ve been trying to lose weight, you’ve probably come across the recommendation to drink 8 glasses of water a day, right? This magic number 8 is supposed to help you lose weight. It’s part of the diet guidelines, along with eating “this and not that”, and of course starting an exercise program.

 

Water is an essential nutrient, one that many people don’t get enough of. Your body is made up of 60-70% water, so it would make sense that you would need to hydrate properly to replace fluids lost throughout the day (sweating, peeing, breathing etc.).

 

The Role of Water in Your Body

Water is responsible for such things such as:

  • Helping every cell, tissue and organ in your body function properly
  • Maintain bodily temperature
  • Remove waste
  • Lubricate joints
  • Improve digestion
  • Prevent constipation

 

Another Diet Industry Hijack

The problem is that the diet industry has co-opted the recommendation for drinking water. So, if you’ve been a chronic dieter who has finally said NO MORE DIETING, you may find yourself dehydrated most of the time.

 

This came to my attention as I was speaking with a client who I’m working with in my Intuitive Eating for Adults Program (let’s call her Terry). Terry has come so far in her journey towards making peace with food and her body. She is regularly listening to and honoring her inner signals of hunger and satiety and is making great strides in healing her body image. Yet one thing stood out to me last week when we met. She was complaining of feeling sluggish, tired all the time, and very fatigued.

 

When I asked her about her fluid intake, she said she doesn’t drink much. When we dug a little deeper, we uncovered the fact that she associates drinking water with dieting. And, she has a disdain for dieting at this point and wants nothing to do with anything that reminds her of dieting. And that incudes drinking water.

 

When Terry realized this, she had a big aha moment. She realized that she is in fact hurting her body by not hydrating it throughout the day. We worked on decoupling water drinking from dieting and reframing her beliefs. She just emailed me to say that this realization has made such a difference in her energy level. Now that she views water differently, she is hydrating each day and gets a lot more done.

 

My Question to You

 Do you associate drinking 8 glasses of water with dieting? Is this dieting thought preventing you from properly hydrating your body and being the best you can be? Let me know in the comments below!

 

Haven’t broken the spell of diets and diet rules yet? Join the free Break the Spell of Diets Experience – enter your name and email below!

How to Stay Motivated

The diet mentality finds its way into your life in very sneaky ways. But that’s okay because that’s how you learn to recognize it and get stronger at shooing it away. This happened to be last month’s theme in my membership program, Intuitive Eating Mastery Circle™. The more we highlight all the ways it shows up, the more of an expert we become at knocking it down!

 

I had a question recently from one of my subscribers (we’ll call her Sally) which is today’s Intuitive Eating Wednesday Question!

 

“How do I stay motivated to care, to keep my focus, to keep trying to eat intuitively, when life is so busy and I have failed miserably for years?”

 

I feel the pain in her question. And I wonder if you feel the same way as Sally. While I don’t know Sally personally, it seems from her question that she has come to the conclusion that diets don’t work. Which is great! But it also seems like there is some lingering diet mentality. This is common when first embarking on the intuitive eating journey.

 

There are two areas I want to highlight and hopefully shed some light on for Sally (and for you if you are resonating with her question).

 

Control is Dieting

 

By the tone of the question, it sounds  like control is playing a big role in “trying to eat intuitively”. I’d have to explore more with Sally what this actually means for her, in other words, how is trying to eat intuitively showing up for her each day. If it’s trying to eat only when hungry and stopping when full, then we are likely looking at the “Intuitive Eating Diet” at play here (or another way to describe it is the “Hunger and Fullness Diet”).

 

Many chronic dieters are on board with the fact that the diets have never worked for them. They love the concept of intuitive eating, so immediately start focusing on only eating when hungry and stopping when full. But here’s the problem with this. If they haven’t yet rejected the diet mentality, this will trip them up each time. Hunger and fullness cues become more rules and then when life gets busy and they are running around and aren’t as aware of their inner signals, they think they have failed. They think they need more control, more willpower!

 

Needing to have control and willpower is still dieting!

 

Is this possibly what is happening to you?

 

Limiting Beliefs and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

 

Limiting beliefs are beliefs that you are holding onto about your body, weight or food that are causing you to self-sabotage and are preventing you from living your best life.

 

“I have failed miserably for years.”

 

This statement right there is a belief that Sally has been holding onto that is keeping her spinning her wheels.

 

Beliefs come from messages that you’ve received, often as far back as childhood. Your thoughts and beliefs drive your feelings which drive your actions which give you your results.

 

If you continue to repeat over and over that you have failed miserably for years, then you will continue to do so…it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your beliefs and you’ll change your outcomes.

 

Ahh, I know this is not so easy! I spend quite a bit of time with my clients working with them on identifying their limiting beliefs, re-framing them into true beliefs and ultimately rewiring the neural pathways in their brain.

 

I have discovered over all the years of coaching and counseling clients that this step can’t be overlooked. If it is, you will continue to allow the sneaky diet mentality to get you every time.

 

If you are interested in learning more about how to break through your limiting beliefs, click here to explore my Intuitive Eating Program for Adults! And, you can read the stories from my clients who have successfully rewired their neural pathways and are now living life as an intuitive eater.

 

 

 

End Your Struggle with Food and Dieting!

It’s interesting. Many people know their struggles in life, but choose not to do anything about it. I sometimes wonder why that is. Why would someone identify a challenge they are having in their life, but not want to do what they need to do to change it?

 

While I can be speaking about so many things right now, such as hating your job, a difficult marriage, a strained relationship with a parent or child, what I really want to address with you is your relationship with food and your body.

 

Is one of your biggest struggles in life food and eating?

 

Is one of your biggest struggles in life being unhappy with your body?

 

If you answered YES to the above questions, then are you struggling with dieting?

 

Most probably if you struggle with food, eating and your body image, then you are struggling with dieting. I can say this with certainty because you’ve been led to believe that in order to “fix” your eating and your body, you need to diet. You need to be told what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat. Let someone else tell you all these things so you don’t have to make any decisions about food, and that’s how you will achieve the body you’ve always wanted.

 

Well, this is a lie.

 

And, I guess that you have realized this lie, but you are caught in the web of deceit in diet culture.

 

Diets are SO tempting. Heck, if someone told me I can lose 30 pounds in 30 days, I’d be suckered into trying that too. Except that I have broken out of the web of lies that diet culture has you believing. But I realize that it’s not so easy.

 

I also want to say that I know that some of you reading my blog have stopped dieting because you know that diets don’t work. But you are still spinning your wheels. That’s because diet culture is very sneaky. You THINK you’re no longer dieting, but you very well may be and not even know this.

 

Now, I am only bringing this to your attention because I want you to stop and ask yourself if you are ready to do what it takes to stop the diet madness. If you are ready to finally break the spell that diets have over you.

 

If so, then click below for an ONLINE EXPERIENCE that will get you started.

 

Yes, it’s free! But it doesn’t mean it’s easy. And that’s okay. Because if you are serious about finally ending the biggest struggle in your life > FOOD AND DIETING > then join this unique experience and participate to the fullest.

 

Click here if your biggest struggle in your life is food and dieting!

 

I hope to see you in the experience!

 

 

3 Powerful Approaches to Defying Diet Culture

Last week I called out the 3 biggest crimes of Diet Culture. If you didn’t read that blog yet, check it out here!

 

As a quick review, the 3 biggest crimes of Diet Culture are: Dishonesty, Disregard, and Destruction!

 

Any eating pattern that emphasizes how you look over your mental and physical well-being is detrimental. Diet Culture thrives on dichotomous thinking, also known as black-and-white thinking. Eat foods on the good list and you’ll be “thin” (good); eat foods on the bad list and you’ll be “fat” (bad). Thin = win!

 

In reality, no one food has the power to make you “thin” or “fat”.

 

I realize this might not be a popular belief among dieters or programs and people that spew dieting information. But if you think about it long and hard (and re-read that sentence multiple times), I believe you’ll come to this realization – eventually.

 

So what can you do NOW to help you come to this realization before you jump back onto the diet bandwagon?

 

3 Powerful Approaches to Defying Diet Culture

 Let’s address 3 very powerful impactful approaches that can help you defy diet culture.

 

  1. Non-Diet Living and Intuitive Eating

Non-diet living and intuitive eating used to be less traveled paths, but more people are choosing these with great success. Dieting is physically and mentally exhausting and people are simply tired – tired of dieting and tired of hating themselves, 2 things which go hand-in-hand.

 

Intuitive eating, along with the Health at Every Size movement, are striving to shift the focus away from body weight and demonizing food. They are displacing the current definition of healthy, broadening it to encompass more than simply a number on the scale. This shifts the perspective inward, focusing on listening to what your body is telling you, and on habits and behaviors for improved long-term health, versus how many pounds you’ve lost. More and more research is finding practices such as intuitive eating helping people with disordered eating habits become more in tune with their bodies again.

 

I recognize that the idea of no longer dieting is a scary thought if you’ve been dieting for many years. Logically you realize that the diets have never given you long term weight loss. In fact, you weigh more now than when you started dieting all those years ago. Research will back that up. Diets lead to weight gain, end of story.

 

So what would help you on this journey? This takes us to approach #2…

 

  1. Self-Compassion

Diet Culture thrives on you hating yourself. If that sounds harsh, it’s because it is. Dieting is about willpower and when you don’t have enough willpower, you start beating yourself up, telling yourself you’ll always fail.

 

Try something different. Try using self-compassion.

 

You’ll find that treating yourself with kindness is much more satisfying because it’s impossible to hate yourself into positive change. You’d never dream of speaking to your friend the way you speak to yourself, yet Diet Culture has taught you to do just that. After decades of believing it, be gentle with yourself in your escape from that mentality. It took time to build and it will take a long time to break down. It’s important to remember there is no perfection in the healing process. It will most certainly be challenging but you are most certainly worth that effort.

 

Sounds logical, right? When asked if you’d speak to your friend who is struggling with her food that way you speak to yourself, of course the answer is no, you would not.

 

Part of this journey is body acceptance. And a very important part of accepting your body where it is now is the 3rd approach to defying Diet Culture.

 

  1. Weight Inclusivity

Accepting and respecting the shapes and sizes ALL human beings come in defies the perfectionist ideology of Diet Culture. There is no one height/shape/weight everyone should be. Our culture needs to move further toward a mindset where judgement is no longer passed on people who don’t meet Diet Culture’s moving target of “perfection.”

 

More and more research is supporting the idea that being a certain weight or looking a certain way does not equate to being “healthy” or “not healthy.” Intuitive eating and Health at Every Size are teaching internal acceptance as well as acceptance of others, appreciating the diversity. They temper the internal diet wars being waged.

 

The principles of intuitive eating remind you how different everyone is and helps you to accept and respect your body where it is right now.  It is key to stop passing judgement on others which will make it easier to stop passing judgement on yourself.

 

So how do you mesh these 3 approaches together, so you can defy Diet Culture?

 

Start with having a heart-to-heart sit down with yourself. Ask yourself the tough questions:

  1. Has all the dieting I’ve done helped me achieve weight loss that I can maintain for a lifetime? No.
  2. Do I bash my body every day, maybe even multiple times per day? Yes.
  3. Do I wish food could just be a “non-issue” and meal time can be relaxed? Yes.
  4. Am I afraid to try this new approach of intuitive eating? Yes.
  5. Do I need support and a partner to walk the journey with me? Yes.

 

Great job! Contact me here and let’s defy Diet Culture together!

 

 

The 3 Biggest Crimes of Diet Culture

How many times have you overheard a heated conversation about food or the latest diet?

When I meet up with friends or family, the talk often ends up routed into diet gossip. This makes sense considering I’m a Registered Dietitian, yet my intuitive eating clients share similar stories.

I’ve spent the last 7 years of my career helping clients bury the diet mentality for good, yet I’m reminded how much work there is to do when people ask me questions like, “What do you think about that new diet that [insert celebrity name here] just published a book about?”

The worst part of Diet Culture (or more aptly, Diet Cult) is the potential harm to everyone involved. Diet culture is a system of beliefs that focuses on and values weight, shape and size over health, and it equate thinness with higher status and worthiness. The negative effects it has on both adults and children are criminal. Many times, these so called “healthy” diets are considered disordered eating or even full-blown eating disorders.

I am here today to call out the CRIMES OF DIET CULTURE.

Crime #1: Dishonesty

“Don’t eat carbs. They make you fat.”

“Dairy will keep you from losing weight.”

“Avoid gluten! It’s bad, bad, bad.”

When you look back at the history of food, Diet Culture has spent a great deal of time and money into criminalizing one food or another. This food is “good” for your health and weight, this food is “bad”.

When saturated fat was the offender, we saw an influx of fat-free, chemically altered foods. When sugar became the offender, we were bombarded with products containing sugar alcohols and messages to avoid sugar at all costs. Food fads are encouraged by Diet Culture with the support of the food industry. When scientific research is published, Diet Culture cherry-picks the information that best supports their agenda and launches campaigns to herd consumers to jump on their bandwagon, spending money on their products, lining their pockets.

Diet Culture never has your best interest in mind and it’s betting on the fact you don’t realize it. So they call their foods “healthier” than the others and has you thinking it’s better for you.

Crime #2: Disregard

Any eating pattern that emphasizes how you look over your mental and physical well-being is detrimental. Diet Culture thrives on black-and-white thinking. Eat foods on the “good” list and you’ll lose weight (“good”); eat foods on the “bad” list and you’ll get fat (“bad”). Thin = win!

Here’s the thing – people are literally dying to be thin and Diet Culture completely disregards this. Your body does so many amazing things for you every day, but Diet Culture has you focusing on how many calories you’re eating, pounds you lost or dress size you wear.

There is peace in accepting your body as it is at this very moment. But Diet Culture doesn’t want you to have this peace. So it influences you to keep striving for that “perfect” body, comparing yourself to celebrities, models and reality stars.

I remind my clients that what they see online and in magazines are not real. They are photoshopped images and even more, they are just the highlight reels of peoples’ lives. What they decide to post and publish are just snippets of their reality, particularly the snippets they want everyone to see. They edit out nearly a lifetime of moments, yet you use those carefully selected highlights as a comparison to your own life. This is exactly what Diet Culture wants – to keep you running back for more.

Crime #3: Destruction

Diet Culture’s most egregious crime is telling you that you’re not good enough. It doesn’t know you at all, but it’s making you question yourself, often calling attention to things you never considered flaws.

“Got a muffin top? Never eat these 5 foods again to get rid of it!”

“Do your thighs touch? Do this cleanse to fix that problem!”

Messages like these are toxic to women of all ages. It’s teaching them from a young age that they are nothing more than a sum of their parts and if those parts don’t add up to an unrealistic ideal, they need to do whatever it takes to get there. This has the potential to lead them into a dangerous relationship with food and exercise, twisting their self-perception. Diet Culture destroys self-esteem.

It’s Time to Defy Diet Culture

The truth is that body size doesn’t always equate with health. There are plenty of people who are in smaller bodies who have a plethora of health issues. On the flip side, there are people in larger bodies that have no medical issues at all. Why is the thin couch potato more culturally acceptable than the larger triathlete?

Diet Culture wants you to be at war with your body because that’s how companies who support it make their billions of dollars every year while young girls are skipping meals, ultimately missing out on nutrients critical to their growth and maturation. What’s even worse is that these diet messages often come from parents who suffer from disordered eating patterns over decades of being at war with their own bodies. It’s a cycle of abuse you are paying dearly for with both your wallets and your well-being.

Tune in next week for Intuitive Eating Wednesday when I share how to blaze a path to defying Diet Culture.

In the meantime, what other crimes of Diet Culture can you identify? Comment below.