Is Your Dieting Harming Your Daughter

Grace walked into my office with her mom by her side. Grace is a 9 year old adorable girl who has been restricting her food intake. She fears getting “fat”.  Due to her restriction, she has lost weight and is now off the bottom of growth chart.

I spoke with Grace and her mom for a while to get a bit of the family history and to understand when and how the restriction began. I then asked Grace’s mom to take a seat in the waiting room so I can talk with Grace alone. It was very important for me to build a good rapport with Grace so she will trust me.

Grace openly told me that she started restricting for several reasons. She broke it down as follows:

• Her mom and sisters were dieting. They were speaking about foods that are good and bad, and were replacing foods they once ate, such as pizza, with alternatives such as cauliflower pizza. This made her feel like these foods wouldn’t be good for her either, so she stopped eating them.

• Her friend’s moms were putting them on diets. Grace told me about at least 4 friends who bring only salad to school for lunch because they are on diets. Their moms told them they have to lose weight.

• All the women in Grace’s life seem to hate their bodies. She’d constantly hear comments such as “do I look fat in this dress?”. “Is my butt sticking out of these pants?”. The message is clear. Fat is bad.

Grace wanted to be healthy, she really didn’t want to restrict her intake, but she was afraid of gaining weight. Grace started working with me each week to learn how to eat to nourish her body and to regain the trust in her body again.

You’re probably thinking that Grace is so young to be dealing with these fears around food and body. Perhaps as a teenager it would seem more common. But more and more young girls are falling into disordered eating patterns and being diagnosed with eating disorders than ever before.

The reason?

The diet culture that we live in today! The messages that women and young girls receive is that their bodies are not good enough the way they are. They must mold and sculpt them into a thin, model-like figure to have any worth in this world. It is so sad to me that so many women spend so much of their days worrying about what they are eating and how they look to others. And this worry is being passed down to the younger generation.

Do you have a daughter(s)?

Are you aware that the way you speak to yourself about your body is influencing the way she feels about hers?

Are you aware that she watches every move you make when you eat and when you choose to avoid grains/carbs with dinner?

I know for me, when I was dieting and restricting, the messages were loud and clear to my two daughters. They knew that I wouldn’t eat dinner until I calculated how much I’d eaten throughout the day. That would determine how much and what I ate for dinner. What kind of messages was I sending to them? It was a very loud message that I couldn’t trust my body to guide my eating. I had to trust a calculator.

I was able to break free of this restriction and teach my daughters that their bodies are smart and has all the wisdom housed inside as to what, when and how much to eat. It’s a matter of listening and trusting.

Here are 3 things to do right now if you want your daughter(s) to have a future of food peace and body love:

1. Stop restricting. Even if you think you are not restricting, you probably are. The diet mentality is very sneaky and shows up in ways you wouldn’t imagine. Be honest with yourself. Are you substituting zoodles for pasta? Are you choosing cauliflower pizza for regular pizza? Are you ordering 2 veggies instead of a potato and veggie at the restaurant? If yes to any of these questions, then you are restricting.

2. Watch your language. Be very careful how you speak in the home, especially when your daughter is around. Do not be judgmental of food, such as this is a “good” food and this is a “bad” food. Putting labels on food demonizes food and ups the fear of eating those foods.

3. Stop body checking. When you are getting dressed and looking in the mirror, be aware of your comments about yourself and your body. And, be aware of your non-verbal behaviors as well. Looking in the mirror and wincing or grunting are all heard and seen by your daughter. Instead of instilling hatred for your body or body parts, teach what it means to have respect for your body.

The truth is, I recognize that this is all easier said than done. It takes time, patience and fighting back against the messages you hear every day. But if you want to save your daughter(s) from going down the rabbit hole of dieting, food fear and body worry, then now’s the time.

Do you want a brighter future for your daughter? It all starts with you. Book a call with me www.TalkWithBonnie.com.