Your Body is Not a Calculator

How many servings of grains should I eat each day? How about protein, fruit, veggies, and fat? These are questions I used to get all the time when I created meal plans for clients.

 

That was back in the day when I was doing weight loss counseling (cringe!). The meal plans I created always “worked” for clients if they “followed” them to a T. But the problem was, they were not able to follow them exactly because they had a life to live. They had birthday parties to go to, vacations to go on, business dinners to attend. And once they felt like they couldn’t “stick” to the plan, they started making choices that didn’t honor their health.

 

Of course, we know what followed. Guilt, shame, feelings of disappointment and frustration. Then back on the meal plan, only for history to repeat itself.

 

Energy In = Energy Out

 

When I was in school, I learned about energy in = energy out. And in order to lose weight, you had to take in 500 less calories per day, or expend 500 extra calories per day, to lose 1 pound per week. Nutrition science has come a long way since I was in school.

 

In those early days of counseling, this is how I calculated weight loss meal plans for clients. I first calculated how much energy (aka calories) one needed to take in to maintain current weight. I then subtracted 500 calories and created a meal plan. I encouraged exercise to expend even more energy, this way my client would lose even more weight.

 

The problem with this is that THE BODY IS NOT A CALCULATOR.

 

This formula doesn’t work like this in real life. There are many factors that affect how you absorb the calories that you eat such as medications you might be on, medical conditions/diseases that you might have, your genetic makeup and the bacteria in your intestines to name a few.

 

You cannot manipulate this energy equation by eating less or exercising more to promote weight loss.

 

Once I realized this, I stopped calculating precise meal plans for clients.

 

2 Variables that Affect Your Body Weight

 

Manipulating your energy input and output isn’t going to help you achieve the body you want. But there are certain variables that will affect your body weight that are often NOT addressed. These are:

 

  1. Stress: Do you live in a chronically stressed state? If yes, then your stress hormones (specifically cortisol) are streaming through your body wreaking havoc on your physical, behavioral and emotional health. Perhaps it’s time to figure out what is stressing you out and work on de-stressing with some tried and true stress management techniques such as meditation, yoga, deep breathing, etc. Learn more here!

 

  1. Sleep: Do you get enough sleep each night? There is no magic number but there are enough studies that show that most people need between 7-8 hours of solid sleep. Here’s a hint: If you wake up the next morning yawning, you are not getting restorative sleep. Perhaps it’s time to put a sleep program into place.

 

What About Food/Nutrition and Exercise?

 

You might think because I teach intuitive eating, that I don’t regard nutrition and exercise. This is NOT TRUE! What you put into your body and the movement you do (or don’t do) each day has an important impact on how you feel.

 

The way that I encourage my clients to address food/nutrition and exercise is through a gentle lens. Only when they have rid themselves of the diet mentality can they move into this final step of their intuitive eating journey. And that goes for you too.

 

If you are still counting calories and watching the calorie counter on the treadmill in the gym, then you are not yet ready for gentle nutrition and movement. But if you have given up the calorie counting and watching and have regained the trust in your body to guide your eating, then by all means it’s time to start taking a closer look at the foods you are choosing and the movement you are doing (more on this in a future post!)

 

Final Thoughts

If you are still convinced that watching every calorie you eat is going to make a difference in your body weight, then please show some compassion for yourself. It’s okay, you are surrounded by a culture that has us believing this and I truly know that it’s hard to move away from it (take it from someone who used to calorie count…me!).

 

With time, you will learn to make smart eating choices from a place of self-care. In the meantime, if you need support, you can always reach out to me here!

“Eat a Tiny Piece of Cake, I Won’t Tell!”

The title of today’s blog says it all. Diet culture is like a poison, once it gets into your blood, it takes a strong antidote to get rid of it. We’ll talk about that antidote in just a few minutes. But first, let’s look at a prime example of how the diet mentality is a force to be reckoned with.

 

Yesterday was my birthday. I had wonderful happy birthday wishes from many of my friends. Among the many wishes were comments such as:

 

“Happy birthday…fat free cake?”

“Happy birthday! Are you allowed to eat a teeny slice of cake today? I won’t tell your clients!”

“Happy birthday! You can have my slice of cake, I won’t tell!”

“Happy birthday! Eat a healthy salad for dinner so you have no guilt eating the cake later”.

 

Grrr! Honestly, I’m immune to these comments already, well sort of. I truly love my friends and know they mean no harm. What gets me is they know my philosophy on dieting and labeling food as good and bad. Yet, they still make comments like this. It just shows me that as much as they “agree” with my philosophy, the diet mentality comes out in their talk and actions without them even realizing it! Yes, diet culture and the resultant diet mentality is a force to be reckoned with.

 

I eat cake! I eat cake and have NO GUILT eating cake. You know why? Because I have given up demonizing food and I realize that food does not have as much power as people give to it. Once you learn to eat with attunement and trust your body, you no longer have to live by external food rules.

 

Do I eat cake every day? No, I don’t. Not because I “can’t”. But because my body doesn’t feel good when I do. I get to make this choice, not some arbitrary diet or health guru.

 

The Antidote to Diet Culture

 

If you’ve been poisoned by diet culture, I have the antidote. It’s called Intuitive Eating.

 

Intuitive eating is a mind-body health approach created by two registered dietitians, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. “Intuitive Eating is a personal process of honoring health by listening and responding to the direct messages of the body in order to meet your physical and psychological needs”, says Evelyn Tribole.

 

When you embark on your intuitive eating journey, it’s not just about eating when hungry and stopping when full. As a matter of fact, as a dieter, this will be challenging to do at first as most likely your signals have silenced somewhat, and your diet mentality will have you second guessing yourself. So the first step is to work on your mindset.

 

You’ll find as you begin to pay attention to your thoughts, that the dieting messages will rear their ugly head in many situations. Just like the comments from my friends. But it’s important to call them out for what they are, the more you do, the less they will come.

 

I’m not saying this is an easy process. But it is a process well worth the effort if you want to be cured of diet culture’s poison.

 

Any questions, I’m here to answer. Just comment below.

 

If you’re interested in starting your intuitive eating journey to finally make peace with food and your body (or you need support on your already started journey), read more about my intuitive eating program here.

3 Tips to Overcome the Fear of Weight Gain

One of the biggest obstacles I see for women who want to start the intuitive eating journey is a fear of weight gain. And I get this! It makes sense that you are so afraid of gaining weight because that’s the message you’ve been getting for many years.

 

When you were younger, you were told by your mom or dad “you have to eat healthy”, “you should lose weight”, “you have such a pretty face, if only you’d lose weight”.

 

You were told by your pediatrician “your BMI is too high”, “lose weight”.

 

You were laughed at by your peers, discriminated against on the job interview, made to feel uncomfortable on an airplane flight…

 

I can go on and on.

 

Being thin is what most women strive for as this is made to be an elevated status. But how much of your life will you spend chasing this “thin ideal”? What have you missed out on because you were uncomfortable in your skin? Because you don’t think you’re good enough the way you are? Because you feel judged by society?

 

I want you to live the life you were meant to live. Not live a life fearing food and fearing weight gain.

 

3 Tips to Overcome the Fear of Weight Gain:

 

1.Realize that embracing intuitive eating does not mean giving up. Learning to be an intuitive eater means returning to the way you were born, trusting and loving your body and being in awe of every part of it from your fingers to your toes, just like when you were a baby! Remember those days? Now, fill in the blank below to start appreciating your body again.

My body is amazing because_________________________.

 

2.Understand that only your body knows what size it is destined to be. Your doctor doesn’t know, the BMI charts don’t know, I don’t know, and you don’t even know. Allow your body to do what it feels best doing once you give up dieting and restriction. Trust that your body is brilliant and given the space, will arrive at a comfortable place.

 

3.Show your body respect and take good care of it. No matter your size, your body deserves to be respected. How? Here are some ideas: pamper your body with after shower scented lotions, enjoy gentle massage, wear comfortable clothes that you love, get enough sleep, talk nicely to your body and thank your body for all it does each night before you go to bed. Believe it or not, these are self-care activities that will help your body feel great!

 

I don’t want to undermine your feelings and fear of weight gain. But holding on to that fear will only keep you in the viscous cycle of dieting. Let’s bust through the fear together…you can do it!

 

Want support? Contact me here and let’s chat.

 

3 Tips for Eat Mindfully While Eating Out

A question I often hear from my intuitive eating clients is “how do I stay tuned into my hunger and fullness signals when I am eating out with friends?”

 

This is a common challenge, if you experience this too, just know you are not alone.

 

Eating out in restaurants bring all types of challenges for the intuitive eater in training. First, there’s the noise level in the restaurant. While there are many restaurants who have a quiet ambiance, there are even more that have a lot of noise from families with kids, televisions showing sports games, and even just the waiters and bus boys hustling around.

 

In addition to the noise level that can distract you from paying attention to your eating, there’s just the excitement of being out with friends, catching up on conversation, celebrating a birthday or other milestone, and trying new foods!

 

So, how do you stay tuned in while eating out?

 

Here’s 3 tips to get you started!

 

  1. Set an intention: Before you leave the house, set an intention of how you will stay present during the meal. Write this intention on a piece of paper or index card, read it out loud so you hear your voice, and put it in your purse. Just setting the intention will bring it into your conscious mind.

 

  1. Pause mid-meal: Take a break from eating at some point in the middle of your meal. Put the fork down and consciously ask yourself “how satisfied am I feeling at this point”. This does not mean you cannot pick up the fork and continue eating, it’s just a way to check-in with yourself.

 

  1. Maintain awareness: Stay fully present during the meal and maintain an awareness of your surroundings. Take some time to look around, notice the décor, the other diners, and breathe. The breathing will bring you into a state of “rest and digest” which will help you maintain awareness throughout your eating. This requires practice, so it’s best to practice this every day when you eat at home, it’ll then be easier when you are out.

 

Eating out is fun! There’s no reason to walk out of a restaurant holding your stomach and saying “Oh, I’m so full”. This takes away from the pleasant experience of socializing with good friends and eating good food.

 

Use these tips the next time you eat out and let me know below how it’s worked for you!

 

Want more tips? Follow me on Facebook and Instagram!

 

Still stuck in the diet cycle? Break the Spell of Diets in 3 Days by entering your name and email in the boxes below!

Intuitive Eating is Your Birthright – 5 Day Special

When’s the last time you watched a newborn baby feed? I mean a real newborn, like just a few hours old.

 

I did, on Monday evening, when I went to visit my daughter-in-law and newborn granddaughter! I could have just stared for hours at this little princess; she is just so adorable. But as I was staring at her, I noticed something very interesting. She started puckering up her mouth and moving it side-to-side, her way of telling her mom that she was hungry!

 

Did you ever stop to think about this?

 

Babies cannot speak, their way of communicating is non-verbal, and they get their message across loud and clear. That message of hunger is coming from within, they were born with the ability to know when they are hungry and when they are satisfied enough to pull away from breast or bottle.

 

You were born this way too! You may not remember back to those early newborn days, but you were. We are all born intuitive eaters.

 

So, what happened over the years that caused you to stop being guided by this innate ability of eating intuition?

 

While there are several reasons, the biggest one I feel is you falling prey to the billion-dollar diet industry and your desire to lose weight.

 

When you start listening to food rules and guidelines from external sources (meaning outside of your own body), you are basically telling your body that you don’t trust the messages it is giving you.

 

This is not your fault. The diet industry and those health coaches promoting diets are at fault. But you can do something about it today. You can stand up and say NO MORE DIETS! You can tell yourself that you CAN learn to TRUST in your own body again.

 

Because I am telling you, YOU CAN!

 

Getting back to becoming an intuitive eater is a journey of discovery and growth. There is no start and end point. It will become a daily practice that is second nature again, just as you were born.

 

Maybe you are already on your intuitive eating journey. That’s great!! Practice and support will continue to guide you to coming home to your body.

 

In honor of my new granddaughter, I have a SPECIAL OFFER for you!

 

For You – If You’ve Had Previous Intuitive Eating Training:

For 5 days only, get the PRACTICE, SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY you need to kick your intuitive eating practice up a notch.

 

Join the INTUITIVE EATING MASTERY CIRCLE for 50% off. Read all the details HERE and join an amazing group of women who are on the journey towards living life to the fullest!

 

For you – If You’re Just Starting Your Intuitive Eating Journey:

For 5 days only, get 50% off my Freedom to Eat Forever Intuitive Eating Program, PLUS 5 months FREE in the Intuitive Eating Mastery Circle. Read all the details HERE and join an inspiring community of women who support each other every step of the way.

 

Not sure which program is right for you? Email me and let’s get on the phone and figure it out together.

Food Overwhelm (and 3 Strategies to Deal with It)

It’s holiday week. Whether you celebrated Easter this past weekend, or you are still celebrating Passover this week, holiday eating can sometimes pose a problem for those working on giving up dieting to embrace intuitive eating.

 

The goal is to have a more peaceful relationship with food, and to learn to trust that your body knows just what it needs and wants.

 

Yet, with the abundance of foods over the holidays, peace with food might be far from what you are experiencing.

 

Let’s look at 3 obstacles that might come up for you. And, of course, strategies to overcome!

 

1) Food Overwhelm: There is no lack for food, no matter the holiday. But with Passover celebrated for 8 days, I hear from many of my clients that they don’t leave the kitchen. They are forever cooking and serving, and it seems like the family is more hungry than usual during this holiday. The meals have 5 courses to them, and there is no “white space” on the table.

 

Strategy: Review your menus and decide if you really need 5 courses. Most likely you don’t. Most people are satisfied after the second course but continue to eat because more food is served.

 

I did just this this last holiday weekend, and by the end of the meal, my family felt comfortable, satiated and happy. They were able to experience pleasure in the meal because they didn’t walk away from the table overfull.

 

2) Once a Year Favorites: When a certain holiday only comes around once per year, it can pose an inner conflict for you when it comes to foods. With the annual holiday, comes special foods that you usually only eat during this time. The thought of “I can only eat this now, and then I have to wait a full year to eat it again” can instill a mindset of “I better get it all in now.” The future deprivation causes overeating.

 

Strategy: Consider whether these special holiday foods that only come around once per year really have to only be eaten once per year, on this holiday. For example, one of my kids favorite foods during Passover is Cottage Cheese Pancakes. They look forward to it every year and they make sure that it’ll be on my Passover menu at some point throughout the 8 days. I realized one day, “why do I only make these cottage cheese pancakes on Passover? I can surely make them all year round.” And that’s what I did. Don’t get me wrong, they are still something my kids look forward to on Passover, but they don’t have to go overboard on them since they know they can eat them any time of the year.

 

However, I do realize that there are traditional holiday foods that only show up once a year. In this case, the best thing to do is to acknowledge the fact that you will only get to eat this now, but also realize that if you eat slowly and savor every bite, you will no doubt have more pleasure in this special food than if you eat it quickly without really tasting it (which is what happens when you try to get it all in now!)

 

3) Pushy Family Members: We all have them! Those family members that push you to eat more food even after you’ve said you’re full. Or, family members who give you looks when you take more food on your plate (you know, those judge-y people) . This can be very challenging, especially if mixed messages are flying around such as “eat more”, and “the diet starts tomorrow”.

 

Strategy: Do not feel obligated to eat after you’ve decided you are comfortably full. Tell your host that you enjoyed the meal but just cannot eat another bite. For those that appear to judge you when you take food, stand up for yourself and ask them to keep their eyes in their own plate (you can say this more diplomatically if you’d like, but I’ve said it just like this and man, did it shut them up!).

 

As for the endless diet talk, excuse yourself to go to the restroom and remind yourself that you have given up dieting. Have compassion for those folks who are still swimming in diet culture and give yourself a hug that you are staying true to yourself. Then go back to the table and change the topic (“what movie have you seen lately”, works great!).

 

As you continue on your intuitive eating journey, you will see that these obstacles aren’t obstacles any longer. These are opportunities for learning and growth. You’ve got this!

 

Need help on your intuitive eating journey? Just head on over to www.TalkWithBonnie.com and schedule a chat with me.

 

How to NOT Eat Your Frustration

Frustration. That is the emotion that I’ve been feeling this week. Here’s why:

 

The Set-Up

I decided to change the hosting of all my websites and domains that I use to run my business. I chose a very large hosting company and was feeling confident that all would go smoothly, at least that’s what they promised. However, after 1 ½ months of back and forth phone calls, the migration of my websites was still not complete. I asked for a refund and went on the search for another hosting company.

 

I found another company who seemed eager to help me. I signed up with them and followed their directions to migrate my sites. After many back and forth phone calls, we were getting somewhere. However, I’ve come to learn that there is always going to be a glitch. And, what’s important is how I handle that glitch.

 

Among the many glitches was that a client was not able to access her training modules for a few hours. Okay, not so terrible, I actually figured out how to fix that myself (pat on my back!). But for the few minutes, I was terribly frustrated.

 

Now that all the sites are transferred over successfully, it was time to migrate my Outlook email. This proved to be more difficult. I’m the first to admit that computer and tech language for me is a foreign language. You might as well be speaking to me in Greek, Chinese, or any language other than English. I don’t get it.

 

So, at the time I’m writing this blog post, I have been without email for 36 hours and counting. This means that if you’ve tried to email me, I likely didn’t get it. So, please email me again!

 

(Note – if you are reading this blog in your email, it’s because you received it through iContact, my email management system, which is totally separate from my Outlook email – am I confusing you now??)

 

What’s my point of sharing this all with you?

 

Coping with Frustration

Just a few years ago when I felt frustrated, I would let it get the best of me. Perhaps I’d have a pity party, you know, the ones that include ice cream.

 

But today, things are different.

 

I reframe what is going on. I put things in perspective. I think to myself “how does this affect the real important things in my life, such as my husband and kids, my parents, my health and their health”?

 

Throughout this pause, I breath deeply. This breath work takes me from stress mode (fight or flight) into calming rest mode! And, it helps me process and make the best decisions to take care of myself in the frustrating situation I find myself in.

 

There is no ice cream. There is no chocolate. There is no pity party.

 

There is nothing wrong with ice cream or chocolate. But in a moment of frustration, that’s not what I need to take the best care of ME.

 

Your Turn

How do you handle frustration? Or any emotion for that matter? Comment below!

 

And, if you want to learn strategies to stress less and eat less, then check this SPECIAL out that I have for you, only during the month of April, which is Stress Awareness Month.

 

When Diet Culture Steals Your Logical Thinking

This is a painful blog for me to write. It shows just how much diet culture and striving for the thin ideal overtakes one’s logical thinking brain.

 

Here’s the story…

 

I’m treating a client for a gastrointestinal disorder. Due to the nature of her condition and her intolerance to many foods, she shared with me that she lost weight. How does she know? Her clothes are big on her. And, yes, she weighs herself regularly.

 

She went to her internist this week to discuss her varying medical issues she is currently dealing with. The doctor weighed her and told her she lost X pounds in the last 3 months. I’m not revealing the number of pounds she lost, the number isn’t relevant. What IS relevant is that it’s a significant weight change in a short period of time, coupled with a review of her labs which reveal that she is malnourished.

 

My client’s reaction?

 

I’m happy I lost weight, I like how I look and I’m getting compliments.

 

This is where I cringed. Here is a bright woman who for the last 50 years has been chasing weight loss only to regain what she’s lost (no news here!). Now that she’s losing weight, she is thrilled, but what she fails to comprehend is that this weight loss is DETRIMENTAL to her health.

 

Her body is not absorbing the nutrients from the foods she is eating. She is malnourished. Yet, she says she “wouldn’t mind losing a little more”.

 

Diet culture has messed with people’s intelligence. The society we live in today worships thinness so much so that people are willing to go to any lengths to lose weight and claim a higher status that diet culture promises.

 

If you’ve fallen prey to this unfortunate outcome of living in a diet-obsessed culture, here’s 3 steps you can do right now to turn this around:

 

Step 1: Be honest with yourself: Take a long hard look at how you are treating your body. Are you dieting and wishfully dreaming for that thin body? And if so, to what extent and detriment to get there? What harm are you already experiencing physically and emotionally?

 

Step 2: Commit to stop dieting: This might be very scary if you’ve allowed diets to “control” your eating for a long time. But you must commit to never diet again, otherwise you will always be tempted by another diet that pops up (and there will be many!).

 

Step 3: Seek support: If diet culture and the pursuit of thinness has prevented you from making logical decisions about your health and well-being, please reach out for support. You need help from a qualified health professional to help you turn this around. It is possible! And, it shows strength to reach out for support.

 

I’m happy to report that my client is now doing well. She has given up the notion that her body needs to look a certain way and she has started to appreciate her body shape and capabilities. She is slowly re-nourishing her body and healing from her gut disorder. And, her logical thinking has returned.

 

What about you? How has diet culture and striving for the thin idea affected your logical thinking? Let me know below! And, as always, if you want to chat, just contact me.

 

woman plate food

3 Reasons Why You Don’t Stop Eating (and What to Do About it)

You’ve decided to give up dieting (yay!) and you’ve been working on making peace with food. You’re doing a great job at giving yourself unconditional permission to eat and you are truly enjoying your meals.

 

All this sounds amazing, but you are facing a dilemma. You’re enjoying your meals so much that you don’t want to stop when you recognize fullness, you want to keep eating. This is causing you to doubt your ability to become an intuitive eater.

 

First, let me assure you that this is a “normal” part of the process. Be gentle with yourself as you reacquaint yourself with your body and the foods you haven’t eaten for a long time.

 

Here are 3 reasons why you don’t want to stop eating, and what you can do about it:

 

  1. You haven’t truly given yourself unconditional permission to eat that food. Here’s the thing…if you don’t really believe that you can eat this food again whenever you want it, it will be more difficult to stop when you recognize fullness.

What to do: work on giving yourself emotional/mental permission to eat this food in addition to the physical permission.

 

  1. You are checked-out during mealtime. If you are eating with distraction (phone, newspaper, T.V etc.), you are not fully paying attention to your meal and are missing the signals of comfortable fullness. Now, suddenly you are overfull.

 

What to do: Put away all distractions. I know it’s challenging to sit and just eat, especially if you’re so used to multi-tasking through your meal. But you deserve better than that, and so does your body.

 

  1. You are eating to numb your feelings. If you are used to coping with difficult emotions by turning to food, then consider whether you are trying to stuff down those emotions, so you don’t have to feel them.

What to do: Pause and ask yourself “am I still hungry?”. If your honest answer is no, then ask yourself what you are truly feeling and what do you need to help manage those feelings without food.

 

Your intuitive eating journey is not a linear path, it is a process that has twists and turns.

 

Each twist and turn is a learning experience for you. Remember to be kind and gentle to yourself as you relearn how to trust yourself, your body and your food choices. You’ve got this!

 

Can I help in any way? If so, just email me at Bonnie@DietFreeRadiantMe.com.

Pushing through Intuitive Eating Resistance

Something I’ve heard several times from potential clients is “I’ve tried intuitive eating already and it didn’t work”. And so, the search for the next diet continues.

 

I get it. With all the messages swirling around you about the body you “should” have, the weight you “should” lose for your “health” and the false promises that once you lose the weight your life will be all sunshine and rainbows, it’s no surprise that when you “tried” intuitive eating before, you treated it like yet another diet.

 

It’s not your fault! If you’ve been dieting for years or even decades, your mindset around food and your body is that of a dieter. You are battling food at every meal and have come to have a love-hate relationship with food.

 

The Reason for the Resistance

Intuitive eating is not a weight loss method. If you’ve tried intuitive eating with the hope that you would lose weight, then more than likely that’s why you were disappointed.

 

Intuitive eating is a practice of listening to your own body signals when making decisions around food, rather than listening to external sources telling you what, when and how much to eat.

 

When beginning your intuitive eating journey, it’s most important to shelve the desire for weight loss. Now I’m not saying to forget about this desire, just acknowledge it’s there but you aren’t acting on it right now. In this way, you are paving the way to changing your relationship with food without a hidden weight loss agenda.

 

Bottom Line

If you’ve “tried” intuitive eating but still secretly hoped you would lose weight, then you didn’t “try” intuitive eating.

 

This small tweak can make all the difference.

 

Ready to give it a go? Just head on over to www.TalkWithBonnie.com and request a complementary phone call.