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How to Push Through Fear

Fear, “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger” (Merriam-Webster) or “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat” (Dictionary online).

 

If you stop and think about it for a moment, you probably have some fears in life. They can be related to traveling (flying in an airplane, driving on highways), animals (dogs, birds, insects), or relationships (commitment, marriage) to name a few.

 

But every day, I encounter clients and prospective clients that express fears related to two other things: food and change.

 

Food Fear

It’s not surprising to me that so many people have food fear. Food fears can be targeted at specific foods (i.e. pastries, chips) or whole food categories (i.e. breads and grains). They can relate to situations such as going to a party (“I won’t be able to resist the cake”) or meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant (“There are too many options, I’ll be tempted to order something not on the “light menu”).

 

How Does Food Fear Develop?

 

Well, typically they develop from messages you’ve received around these foods. These can be messages from members of your family, friends, or even health professionals. If your mom was a chronic dieter and she’d make statements such as “I can’t eat x” or “I gained 5 pounds just from eating y last night”, you internalized these messages and with repetition, they became your beliefs.

 

Food fears also develop from what you hear in the media, read in the newspaper,  and see in advertisements. Let’s face it, there is always someone touting the next great miracle to lose weight and it usually includes demonizing certain foods and/or food groups.

 

How Do You Heal from these Beliefs and Food Fears?

 

Bear with me, I’ll answer that question soon. First I want to address the second fear I revealed above: fear of change.

 

Fear of Change

 

Just the other day my hairdresser was telling me that the salon is moving down the block. She was upset. I asked her why. She said, “I don’t like change”.

 

Yes, change is hard. But if you have been engaging in the same behaviors for years without seeing results, then continuing these behaviors isn’t going to change anything. You cannot continue doing the same things and expect different results. That’s the definition of insanity (according to Albert Einstein)!

 

So, let’s dig a little bit here. What are you afraid of?

 

It could be a fear of actually NOT dieting anymore. It’s comfortable to diet. Well, what I mean is its familiar to you. You know what to expect, it’s safe for you. Diets tell you what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat. You don’t need to make any decisions.

 

But let me ask you. Is this how you want to live your life? Or, do you want to be in charge of your own body and your food choices?

 

Perhaps it’s fear of success? I know, at first this sounds odd, doesn’t it? But take a moment and give thought to this one. Are you afraid to succeed for some reason? What reason might that be? Perhaps lack of confidence that you won’t be able to sustain this way of eating and living. Perhaps fear of achieving the body you’ve always wanted but you don’t want the attention this new body will bring you.

 

If you don’t learn to change old habits to make way for the new, you’ll never achieve the results you so desperately want.

 

Healing from Your Food Fears and Fear of Change

 

To heal from your food fears, you must first recognize what your beliefs are around these foods. To do that, you need to identify the negative messages you received and at what stage of your life you received them. And, from whom did you receive these messages? Then, and only then, can you work towards overturning these messages, beliefs and ultimately be at peace with food (and your body!)

 

To overcome your fear of change, you need to uncover the real reason why you are resisting change.  Realize that change will not happen unless you become just a little uncomfortable now in order to change your future. What is at the root of your fear of change and why you are so resistant to it?

 

If you’re like most of the woman I speak with, you’ve been working at breaking free of dieting for a while. You’ve researched the topic, spoken with coaches, downloaded materials and have read it over and over again. Yet, you are still stuck.

 

If you’d like me to help you get unstuck, I invite you to hop on a call with me and let’s discuss the possibilities. Get a spot on my calendar HERE.

 

Don’t see a time that works for you? No problem. Email me at Bonnie@DietFreeRadiantMe.com

 

How to Stay Motivated

The diet mentality finds its way into your life in very sneaky ways. But that’s okay because that’s how you learn to recognize it and get stronger at shooing it away. This happened to be last month’s theme in my membership program, Intuitive Eating Mastery Circle™. The more we highlight all the ways it shows up, the more of an expert we become at knocking it down!

 

I had a question recently from one of my subscribers (we’ll call her Sally) which is today’s Intuitive Eating Wednesday Question!

 

“How do I stay motivated to care, to keep my focus, to keep trying to eat intuitively, when life is so busy and I have failed miserably for years?”

 

I feel the pain in her question. And I wonder if you feel the same way as Sally. While I don’t know Sally personally, it seems from her question that she has come to the conclusion that diets don’t work. Which is great! But it also seems like there is some lingering diet mentality. This is common when first embarking on the intuitive eating journey.

 

There are two areas I want to highlight and hopefully shed some light on for Sally (and for you if you are resonating with her question).

 

Control is Dieting

 

By the tone of the question, it sounds  like control is playing a big role in “trying to eat intuitively”. I’d have to explore more with Sally what this actually means for her, in other words, how is trying to eat intuitively showing up for her each day. If it’s trying to eat only when hungry and stopping when full, then we are likely looking at the “Intuitive Eating Diet” at play here (or another way to describe it is the “Hunger and Fullness Diet”).

 

Many chronic dieters are on board with the fact that the diets have never worked for them. They love the concept of intuitive eating, so immediately start focusing on only eating when hungry and stopping when full. But here’s the problem with this. If they haven’t yet rejected the diet mentality, this will trip them up each time. Hunger and fullness cues become more rules and then when life gets busy and they are running around and aren’t as aware of their inner signals, they think they have failed. They think they need more control, more willpower!

 

Needing to have control and willpower is still dieting!

 

Is this possibly what is happening to you?

 

Limiting Beliefs and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

 

Limiting beliefs are beliefs that you are holding onto about your body, weight or food that are causing you to self-sabotage and are preventing you from living your best life.

 

“I have failed miserably for years.”

 

This statement right there is a belief that Sally has been holding onto that is keeping her spinning her wheels.

 

Beliefs come from messages that you’ve received, often as far back as childhood. Your thoughts and beliefs drive your feelings which drive your actions which give you your results.

 

If you continue to repeat over and over that you have failed miserably for years, then you will continue to do so…it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your beliefs and you’ll change your outcomes.

 

Ahh, I know this is not so easy! I spend quite a bit of time with my clients working with them on identifying their limiting beliefs, re-framing them into true beliefs and ultimately rewiring the neural pathways in their brain.

 

I have discovered over all the years of coaching and counseling clients that this step can’t be overlooked. If it is, you will continue to allow the sneaky diet mentality to get you every time.

 

If you are interested in learning more about how to break through your limiting beliefs, click here to explore my Intuitive Eating Program for Adults! And, you can read the stories from my clients who have successfully rewired their neural pathways and are now living life as an intuitive eater.

 

 

 

I’ve Already Tried Intuitive Eating, and It Didn’t Work

I’ve heard it many times! Women who are skeptical about intuitive eating. They tell me they’ve tried it and it didn’t work. But did they really try it?

 

Or, were they just treating it like another diet?

 

You likely know by now that there are no rules in intuitive eating. As a matter of fact, one of the first things I do with my clients is help them kick all those diet food rules to the curb. However, it’s possible that, unbeknownst to you, you have created rules around intuitive eating.

 

I must eat ONLY when I am hungry.

I must ALWAYS stop eating when I am satisfied, and not full.

I must ALWAYS feel my feelings.

I must ALWAYS eat at the table without distraction.

 

And, you think:

If I don’t do these things all the time and do them perfectly, then I have failed at intuitive eating.

 

This sounds like a diet to me, with a long set of rules (oh, there are a lot more, I just kept it to these 4 for now!).

 

This is the Intuitive Eating Diet!

 

I don’t blame you. Many times, women (and of course some men) tell me they are ready to give up dieting and work towards intuitive eating. And to them, that means eating when hungry and stopping when full. They ask me to teach them how to do this again, because they haven’t heard their signals in a long time.

 

That is all well and good, and I am happy to help these women reacquaint themselves with their inner signals. The issue is that we cannot start at this point of hunger and fullness, because then it becomes the “Hunger-Fullness Diet”, aka The Intuitive Eating Diet.

 

So, where do you need to start?

 

At Step One – Shift Your Mindset

 

Shifting your mindset means moving away from the dieter’s mentality. And, this takes time, especially if you’ve been dieting for MANY years. And, that’s okay! There is no rush! Gift yourself with the time and patience to understand how your mindset got to where it is today and to learn the strategies you need to make this shift.

 

This is more than just knowing what diet food rules never worked for you. This is delving into your belief system. Really challenging yourself to understand what beliefs you’re holding onto that might be causing you to self-sabotage….over and over again.

 

These beliefs were born from messages you were given years ago. You’ve assumed them to be true, and they have been driving your actions all these years from your subconscious mind. Once you can change those beliefs, you will see and feel the mindset shift that is so key for your intuitive eating journey.

 

Is this difficult to do?

 

You may think so. And, you may say it’s just easier to go on a diet (even though diets have never worked for you, and you’re pretty sure they never will). But it’s safer. If this is the case, can you now understand why saying “I’ve Already Tried Intuitive Eating, and It Didn’t Work” doesn’t hold any water?

 

If you are ready to do the deeper inner work necessary to change your relationship with food and your body, just head on over to http://TalkWithBonnie.com and let’s set up a time to speak.

 

Have you been on the ‘Intuitive Eating Diet’? Comment below!

 

 

 

How to Break Through Your Limiting Beliefs Around Weight Loss

Roadblock breakthroughSomething is keeping you stuck. Something keeps you trying each new diet that hits the market even though you know by now that diets don’t work.

 

Okay, so when I say “diets don’t work”, let me clarify.

 

Diets DO work in the short term by helping you lose weight, but ultimately they FAIL in the long term because you gain that weight back, plus some! So why oh why do you keep trying to follow a diet? And let’s be real for a minute. When you visit a registered dietitian nutritionist and ask for a “meal plan”, that is just a nicer way to say diet. If you don’t understand what I mean, read my story here.

 

So, let’s understand a little about why you might be resistant to giving up dieting.

 

  • Perhaps you think that a diet is the only way to lose weight. (Wrong!)

 

  • Perhaps you are too scared to trust that you actually know how to eat if you would just listen to your body. (I get that this might be true, but I can help you learn to re-trust your body again!)

 

  • Perhaps you really don’t want to be successful in losing weight. (Bingo!)

 

Wait, what did I just say? You don’t really want to lose weight? That’s insane. Of course you do, that’s why you try diet after diet, right?

 

I want to focus on that third bullet point. Dig deep down and ask yourself if you really want to lose the weight forever. What are your fears around shedding the layers that are possibly protecting you? What do you need to be protected from?

 

Consider some of the following beliefs that you might be holding onto, and understand these are preventing you from moving forward on your journey towards a body you love.

 

Do you ever say any of the following?

 

“I’m destined to be fat.”

“I will gain the weight back so why bother.”

“I won’t be able to trust myself around food.”

“Losing weight and changing my habits is hard, I’ll never be able to do it.”

 

These are all beliefs that MUST be knocked down, smashed through and turned upside down or you will still stay stuck where you are forever!

 

Sit in a quiet room and think. Just think about these beliefs you have around losing weight and your body. Then commit to getting the support you need to change your thought patterns and your behaviors.

 

Listen, I know you want to do this yourself. I get it. It’s embarrassing to ask for support, so you think.

 

I’m here to tell you there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Come join other women (and some men) who are on the journey towards breaking down these negative beliefs and who are now believing in themselves. Click here and join our community, for free.

 

And, if you’d like further individualized support, just fill out this request at www.TalkWithBonnie.com