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How to STOP Thinking About Weight Loss

You’ve embarked on your intuitive eating journey because you are finally fed up with diets. After years of chasing weight loss, trying diet after diet, your body weight is back where you started. Or perhaps, like 1/3 – 2/3 of people who regain the weight they’ve lost, you weigh even more.

 

You are now at your highest weight.

 

You wonder how this can be, after all, you’ve tried for 10, 20, 30, 40 maybe even 50 years to lose weight. And yes, you’ve been “successful” in losing weight on some of those diets. But the weight always returned. The diets were not sustainable for life. Like a young 14 year old girl said to me in my office yesterday…”I said to the doctor, how can I never eat carbs again?”

 

Maybe you heard me speak about intuitive eating recently on a summit, or you’ve read the Intuitive Eating book by the original authors and have been trying to practice the principles and become an intuitive eater for a few months, maybe even a few years. Intuitive eating sounds logical to you; you realize this can help you heal your relationship with food. However, you still want to lose weight.

 

There are many intuitive eating and HAES (Health at Every Size) advocates that would say shame on you for wanting to lose weight. Love the body that you have.

 

I’m not saying shame on you. I want to acknowledge your desire to lose weight. I want to show you compassion for the physical discomfort you may be experiencing. But I also want to encourage you to put weight loss out of your mind as you work on healing your relationship with food. I know this is difficult.

 

You see, it’s not “weight loss” itself that is problematic, it’s the pursuit of weight loss that is the problem. There’s a big difference here. 

 

You’ve already tried to pursue weight loss via the many diets, restrictions, detoxes, cleanses, food group elimination, and demonizing of foods. All this caused was a disordered relationship with food and your body.

 

As you begin to change habits, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings around food and your body, you may lose weight, and that’s fine. No one is going to say to you “that’s terrible, how could you have lost weight!”. Your body will do what it needs to do, in its own natural way, in its own time. The interesting thing is that you cannot determine that. Your body determines that.

 

But please understand that the process of intuitive eating is not a weight loss program. Some people may lose weight, some people may gain weight (especially if they started at a low body weight or a place of severe restriction) and some people maintain their weight.

 

So, how do you get weight loss out of your mind as you heal your relationship with food?

 

  1. Write down your WHY! Why do you want to stop fighting with food and your body? Dig down as deep as you need to in order to uncover the true reason. Chances are there is a very meaningful reason why you want to stop the food and body war within yourself. And it’s way bigger than losing a few pounds. Then write your meaningful why on an index card or post-it note and put it in a place you see it often. Read it daily and re-commit to it each time your mind goes back to weight loss.

 

  1. Identify the BIG 3! Instead of constantly thinking about your weight, focus on 3 amazing characteristics that you possess. Unsure what they are? Ask a friend, family member, or your partner. I’m sure they will be happy to share with you how kind you are, funny you are, helpful you are etc. Then on a day that you seem to be worrying too much about your weight, switch it off to focus on the BIG 3!

 

  1. Seek Support! Every one of us needs support throughout our lives. This includes times like this where you are swimming in new waters. If you haven’t yet joined my Intuitive Eating Support Community, come on over. Just click HERE and request to join. The members in this group are here to help you whenever you need it!

 

And of course. If you want my support on your journey, just send me an email to Bonnie@DietFreeRadiantMe.com . I offer 1-1 private coaching at various levels to walk you through your food and body healing journey.

 

 

 

Handling Life’s Twists and Turns

Life happens. Twists and turns appear out of nowhere and even as an intuitive eater, you may lose focus for a bit.

 

The truth is that no matter where you are on your intuitive eating journey, stressful life events are bound to occur. It’s okay to feel stressed or anxious, but you don’t want to lose yourself to life’s surprises. I encourage you to stay focused on your big WHY to keep you pushing through the obstacles.

 

When you feel life weighing you down, you may feel inclined to turn to food… But food is meant to nourish you, not be used as your crutch. There are other things you can do to help you handle life’s twists and turns that don’t involve food. I’m here today to help you find out what those other things are (and they are often different for everyone).

 

I will turn the question around on you for a moment. “What can you do to keep moving forward when life throws you curveballs?”

 

Before you answer that, I want you to really focus on WHY you are on the intuitive eating journey. As you feel like you are falling apart, ask yourself the reason you embarked on your intuitive eating journey. Was it to feel better in your body? Was it to be a good role model for your kids? Was it to stop the diet madness?

 

Chances are your “why” still resonates somewhere within you, even on your darkest days. Let this motivate you. Some days are easier than others but if you keep your “why” in focus, you can navigate the bumps along the way. Instead of letting the tough times discourage you from working to better your health and yourself, use mindfulness to clear your head space and find peace within yourself.

 

Here are 3 things you can do to help you handle life’s twists and turns:

 

1. Prioritize your own needs. Make every day the best it can be by prioritizing your own needs. That may mean making a list of goals, tasks to tackle, or fresh produce to pick up from the grocery store. Each step in the right direction is an important one.

 

You can make the most of each day by scheduling time for your own needs into your daily routine. There is a time for work, a time for taking care of the needs of others, and a time to care for yourself. This includes time to sit down for meals and to be engaged, mindful and do nothing but focus on your food.

 

2. Take time to unwind each day. This can be movement you enjoy, taking a bath, catching the newest episode of your favorite TV show, or talking with a friend. Remember that you do not have to navigate alone. At times life is too much to balance on your own so reach out to friends, coworkers, family, and loved ones for support when you need it. By letting go of pent up emotions, you will be clearing your mind and allowing more room for mindfulness.

 

You may be thinking “but I don’t have TIME to relax.” Trust me, I know the feeling. With busy schedules, sometimes it may feel like there is just no time to unwind. Even just taking 15 minutes to vent to a friend or to decompress your thoughts onto paper will benefit your day and your overall goals.

 

3. Write down your motivation. Instead of making excuses as to why you cannot do this or that, put that energy towards focusing on the reasons you embarked on your intuitive eating journey. Write down your motivation and the messages your body is sending you. You will gain clarity and feel motivated to continue along your journey.

 

The truth is, life comes at you fast. You cannot go back in time but you can make the most of your present and future. Honing in on your intuitive eating and mindfulness will help you navigate through life’s obstacles and keep you on track to being the best version of yourself.

 

Always remember, when you are feeling low, there is nowhere to go but up! If you keep your focus and mindfulness, you will find inner peace on even your worst days.

 

Special invitation for you: Come join an amazing group of women in the Intuitive Eating Mastery Circle. They are navigating life’s twists and turns while successfully moving forward on their intuitive eating journey. Get all the info and join us here!

 

5 Tips to Get Your Spouse on Board Your Intuitive Eating Journey

There are many women that I coach in my 5 Step Intuitive Eating Program who complain to me that their spouse is not supportive of their journey. This is either because they just don’t get it or they think that you should be able to “do it on your own”.

 

They may say to you, “just stop eating”, and don’t understand it often isn’t even about the food.

 

Do you find this to be true about your spouse?

 

Let’s explore this further…..

 

Perhaps your spouse himself is a dieter and isn’t ready to stop dieting.

 

Or, he doesn’t see an issue with your eating and doesn’t understand your need to make changes.

 

If we go even deeper, he may fear that your relationship will change once your relationship with food changes. After all, who will he binge eat at night with while watching TV?

 

Whatever the reason, there are ways to get your spouse on board with your intuitive eating journey. And, there are ways you can approach the topic of support with him without him getting defensive.

 

5 Tips to Get Your Spouse on Board:

 

1. Share your BIG WHY with him – This will help him understand why you’ve made the decision to no longer diet and why you are making changes in the house. If you explain to him your desire to be more in tune with your body and why this is important to you, he’ll know more of what you need, i.e. no T.V. while you eat dinner.

 

2. Be open with your struggles – Sometimes your spouse can be threatened by your new way of living because as we said, he may be a yo-yo dieter and is not ready to stop dieting.  It can be helpful to show him that it’s not that you’re better than him; it’s that you are ready to end your struggle as you’ve come to the realization that diets don’t work for you. And, you need help. Explain to him that you are struggling with your relationship with food and need to make changes in your own life to help form a stronger, and healthier relationship with food.

 

3. Be specific with the support you need from him – Remember that your spouse isn’t a mind reader!       If you want help from him, you need to specifically ask him for it. The more specific you are, the more support and help he will be able to give. If he always suggest to go out to dinner for happy and sad occasions, ask him if you guys can do something else together that doesn’t revolve around food for those same occasions.   Whatever it is, just be specific!

 

4. Understand it’s not about you, it’s often about him – Unfortunately, your spouse may not understand what you are going through and won’t want to make changes in his own life, even if they are better for you. If that’s the case, remember it’s about him and has nothing to do with you. You can still change your relationship with food and look for support from friends and others on the same journey as you. Hopefully once he sees how happy you are with your changes, he’ll get on board too! (If you are looking for support on your intuitive eating journey, join us in my Intuitive Eating Mastery Circle. Find out more here!)

 

5. Don’t try to change him, that will never work – You can’t force your spouse to change his lifestyle just because you want him too. Although it would be nice and better for you, he doesn’t need to change.  You are still able to change your own relationship with food, even if he doesn’t change his.

 

If you are looking for more help on how to get your spouse on board, please reach out to me. I can help you. Answer a few questions at TalkWithBonnie.com and I’ll be in touch to set up a time to talk.

 

Your Turn to Take Action: What steps will you take this week to get your spouse on board with your intuitive eating journey? Let me know in the comments below!